Is Dating Simply A Numbers Game?

Ever heard the old sales quote, “It’s not how many no’s you get, especially when you get your first yes”.  I’m a 34 year old reasonably attractive, fun, outgoing, full figured & professional female who works in a very male dominated company.  I’ve never been married, and, embarrassingly have not been seriously involved in over 8 years.  Needless to say, I occasionally do the equivalent of howling at the moon at odd times of the night.

I’ve finally woken up to the fact that men don’t necessarily flock to me in droves to wine & dine me or even take me out for a cup of coffee.  True, I am not a petite size 0 or 4 hot blond with an immaculate rack.  I’m not an athletic 25 year old brunette with mile long legs.  I’m an average 34 year old chick who drives a 10 year old car and works in a cubicle everyday.  With that being said, I’ve eliminated, in my estimation based on a sample size called my life, about 80 – 90% of the under 55 male population.

Don’t take this soliloquy as me moaning, groaning or bitching about my life.  Quite the contrary!  This logic has allowed me to think realistically about my situation.  I can’t simply sign up for a dating site and get 20 responses in 20 minutes.    I mean, I appreciate the ongoing movement of women proclaiming their beauty (inside and out) and declaring that any man should be glad to have the wonderful, bubbly, professional & witty lady next door.  And honestly, I feel this way about myself, but facts are facts, and data is data.  Not many guys go into their date criteria section on Match or E-harmony and chose “short, full figured, dark skinned chick who’s over 30”.  It just doesn’t happen that often.

With that in mind, I declared an attack on my humdrum dating life.  A co-worker recently set me up on a date with a very good friend of hers.  It was a total blind date for me, but he had gotten a chance to see my picture beforehand.  What a lovely Friday evening – a good meal at a slammin’ restaurant with friends, a handpicked date, and it was only 5 minutes from home.  Let’s just say, he wasn’t my type as he was nearly as big as the table we were eating at.  But I chatted with him, started to like his sense of humor, and was even willing to go out on another date with him if he wanted.

Ironically, he never expressed any interest in me.  That was the moment that I became fed up, and I began developing a dating sales strategy – bomb the hell out of the dating scene until I find one that I’m compatible with and who actually likes me for what I am (inside AND out)!

My first step was not taking the rejection of the “table sized” guy personally, and make love happen.  I signed up with within a couple days, put the best & most honest profile I could out there, and got a few responses initially.  Within a few weeks, I was on a coffee date with a hot Eye-talian guy who was in medical sales, well-read, intelligent, and intermittently humorous.  I was quite impressed…first of all that he contacted me initially and also, how much fun I had.  It went well, he asked if I wanted a second date, and gave me a hug goodbye.  Too good to be true, right?

Yes, you’re right.  Never heard from him again.  Next!  Luckily, I was able to set up a 2nd date within a day for the next week.  I’m so excited because he makes me laugh a lot, and, of course, we’re going to the same slammin’ restaurant only 5 minutes from my place.  Life’s good.

The key to my dating strategy is to treat the no’s as irrelevant, focus on the next yes, and schedule dates for each week.  That way, I won’t focus so much on past/current dates, and keep my interim goal in mind – one date per week until I find the one that jingles my bells.  Now that’s a Happy Christmas.

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