Happy Frick-in Valentine’s Day To Me!

OK…boy have I got a story for you. Please understand that every single word of this is true. I was so happy and excited to find someone that I enjoyed talking to, spending time with, and laughing with. Him – a 41 year old guy in law enforcement who lived with a parent. Me – a 34 year old independent woman whose parent moved in with her.

The first date was great. We met on Match, and he was too cheap/broke to buy his own account so he used his father’s account. Needless to say, I was creeped out by a very elderly man contacting me, but I believed his response that he was indeed the son behind that profile. Well, as I mentioned, the first date was great. We laughed, we talked, there was a bit of chemistry, and the coffee date lasted for almost two hours. He asked me out again as we were saying goodbye, and although he was not my ideal type, I still looked forward to the second date.

So he called me a few days later to firm up the date, and we kept going round-and-round about where to go. I suggested a nice, reasonable restaurant near my home, and he took me up on it. Well…it was frick-in, wicked cold, and I was walking into the restaurant when I heard this deep voice call my name. It was almost like one of those softcore movies on Cinemax on Friday nights. It was like slow motion turning around to see this sharply dressed, very tall, dark-haired, and attractive man beaming at me. Awwwww yeahhhhhh…who’s yo mama baby? I’m yo mama.

So we walk into the restaurant together, and I was like, check me out everybody. This is how I get down, this is how I roll…just so ya know! He was dressed in nice, black slacks, a sweet leather jacket, and those dressy loafers that I love so much. Oh yeah, this dinner was going to be bom-frickin-diggity.

The manager led us to a table, and he could tell I was not so enamored. He proceeded to take us in this little, tucked away nook in the very back of the restaurant. It was like the night was just for us. I was so nervous yet happy and open to a new possibility. So we take our seats, and he takes off that sweet leather jacket to reveal a deep red oxford shirt that just oh-so showed off those lovely & strong man curves. The shirt showcased his big chest, big arms, and I was thrust into an altered state of euphoria over the lovely view. Fa-shizzle, dizzly-do, my brother.

I was sunk, I didn’t know how to act, but I had to hold it together. I flirted a little but really focused on getting to know him and keeping the conversation light. Well, it went so well, it was clear that the date was not going to end with dinner…if you know what I mean. Yeah, you got it, we indulged in each other. That’s right, I got in his car, and we went to a wine bar together to talk some more. What’d you think I meant?

It was awesome, and I had so much fun. He brought up investments for a second time, and I had a feeling he was probing to find out if I had ample investments. I chose to keep that to myself. Anyway, we walked back to his car, and he held my hand nearly all the way. How sweet. We got into his $40k car, and it was like butta riding on the sweet leather and having a fun, outgoing, and attractive man driving me around and wanting to spend time with me. I just could not believe it. It was too good to be true. I was hoping he’d ask me on a 3rd date that night like he did on our first date.

So we finally reach my car, and he stopped in the middle of the street. He looked stunned. I was a little nervous because I didn’t see a murder taking place or a drive by happening. What could he be so freaked out about?

And then the question comes, “How old is that car?”. I looked at him, I turned to look at my car, and I said, “It’s a 2001”. He was still in shock, just purely dumbfounded, flabbergasted, and beside himself. He went on for about 5 minutes berating me about driving such an old car, how it’s going to break down, how it’s embarrassing for me to drive a car with a fixed mast antenna, blah blah blah. I laughed out loud because I thought he was just making jokes and giving me a hard time. I like to have a good time, and I can genuinely laugh at myself. Anyway, I finally got out of the car and walked to mine, unlocked the door, got in, and then he sped off. I thought it was odd since it was so cold and dark that he would just leave me there without seeing me pull off safely, but I figured he had an hour drive back home and just wanted to hit the road.

Well, it turns out that I had to travel for work for a week, and I had to leave a couple days later. Monday went by, then it was Wednesday, then Friday, then Saturday, and, as he knew, I was back in town. I figured he didn’t call while I was on travel out of respect for my job, but as each day passed, I finally got the hint. He was just a materialistic, condescending frick-in prick. I happened to review his Match profile while I was on travel, and I thought it was curious that he had an income requirement for his match. Not many people do that, especially on their profile. Even if they are a gold digger, they don’t admit it on their profile. So I finally accepted the truth after some deep thought and input from my friends. He enjoyed expensive toys, he enjoyed gambling, he clearly enjoyed expensive clothes, and he was looking for a woman who was materialistic just like him.

I could not believe it. Yes, I’m wise with my money, and I’m thrifty, and I don’t choose to spend it on things that depreciate in value. That’s where we were gravely different. For example, I have a house, and he doesn’t. I mean come on. I could have decided not to date him since he was a 41 year old man living with his Father driving a $40k car as it was clear his priorities were a little mixed up. But I didn’t. I was willing to get to know him. And let’s be honest, if I was going to contribute to a man’s lifestyle and buy him nice things, it wouldn’t be a 41 year old man with a low paying job and a slight limp. I’d contribute to something a little fresher, you know, like a 25 year old hottie with the libido of a rabbit.

So there ya go…a couple great dates and hopes of a 3rd date dashed over an old car…Happy Frick-in Valentine’s Day to me!!!!!

But here’s the silver lining in it all…I can be sure that I will like the Valentine’s candy that I receive…and that’s because I will be buying it for myself.

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